It costs HOW MUCH?

So I was reading an article with the oft-quoted statistic that it, on average, costs $241,080.00 to raise a child.  So for me and the Big Man, to properly raise our three would come to $723,240.00.  That pissed me off, because even when they get jobs, I highly doubt that they will be paying any of that back, less long the interest.  BTW, I think those numbers are based on kids who have normal appetites–unlike the Wierdo, who I am pretty sure is part goat.  On his father’s side.  (This is not a joke–he once ate a part of the light switch cover.  No, I don’t know how.)

The last time I went to the grocery store, I spent $141.85 on nothing.  Seriously, I only bought food for the weekend. Two Days.  And I don’t buy fancy, organic, this-and-that-free stuff.  Nope.  The vegetables and fruit I buy are chock full of pesticides, which explains why mosquitos die instantly after biting us.  I am positive the chickens that lay the eggs that I buy live in the poultry equivalent of Shawshank; free-range my booty.  And everything is store brand. My kids eat honey-nut toasty o’s. Sandwiches are made with Kroger mayonnaise, on Kroger Bread, or with Kroger Peanut Butter.  (Although we get a little high-falutin’ with our lunch meat–Oscar Mayer all the way.)

Oh, and having to feed Gretchen, too.  I love her, but she’s a pig.  And when I take all three kids somewhere, I have to take Gretchen so that no one is near anyone else.  So, when gas is 3.75 times 8 miles to the gallon, that equals a butt load of  money.  In technical terms.

Oh, and then.  The Destroyer’s feet grow approximately every 5.7 seconds.  Do you know how much men’s sneakers cost?  Enough that I have considered armed robbery at Foot Locker. I am afraid to go to sleep because when I wake up, all of the clothes that I just freakin bought for the Weirdo will be too small.  So I stay awake at night and look at the clothes to make sure they aren’t shrinking.  While I am keeping my anti-shrinkage vigil,  I can hear in the background the sound of him in the next room growing.   It infuriates me.

It’s Friday.  The post is short.  And I have to go spend money on more nothing.


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