I’m a bit of a comic book geek. Not the all-out cosplay-at-Comic-Con comic book geek, but I know my way around a superhero or two. And I’m enough of a geek to wish I had superpowers myself. “Vida,” you say, “all moms wish that.” I know, but I’m talking specifics here. Like, what I would do if I were:
1) Batman. First off, I wouldn’t mind just being Bruce Wayne, billionaire. But if I were the Dark Knight, every time I ended up in a bad conversation with a mom who thinks she’s better because she makes her kids PBJ with jelly she hand-crafted from the organic grapes she grew and peanut butter from a poor village that gets all the proceeds on bread that she baked with wheat she stone ground, I would throw a Batarang at her, whisper “No one cares about your grapes. I’m Batman” and then disappear into the night.
2.) Jean Grey. To have telepathy AND telekinesis?? To be able to clean the house with my mind!?!? How effing awesome would THAT be? And then, THEN, when people came around and destroyed all my hard mind-housework, I would turn into the Phoenix and destroy them all. Then I could clean up that mess with my mind. This is all win. Except I’m not sure that I would want to know what everyone is thinking. Especially when I’m around my mother.
3.) The Incredible Hulk. People would go out of their way to be nice to me. Because of the whole “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” thing. Also, I think it would be interesting to be green. Oh, and I would get to see things from the Big Man’s perspective. (I did marry my own personal Hulk. But he’s not green, just Irish.)
4.) Martian Manhunter. This guy is my favorite. He can turn into anyone, phase through walls, be invisible, fly, and has super strength. Everything a mom wishes she could do. Kids trying to tell on each other? Turn invisible and fly away. Wonder what your kid is up to in his room? Phase through the wall to invade his privacy. Oh, oh, and he can read minds, too. Wanna know what your significant other really thinks of your favorite sweatpants? Of course you don’t. But you could, if you wanted to.
5.) Ironman. Traffic. ‘Nuff said.
6.) The Joker. Okay, so he’s a villain. But how awesome would it be to get to be crazy and everyone just accepts it. Then when you do crazy stuff, they put you in Arkham which has the worst security known to man, so you’re out again doing crazy stuff. And your kids don’t question you, they’ll just be all, “Oh it’s just Mom being insane. Just do what she says. You know she has that gun with the boxing glove on the end. And that flower that shoots acid.” That would be cool.
7.) Storm. The weather could always be my excuse for not doing something. A potluck picnic that I don’t feel like making anything for? Well, too bad, because it’s raining. Kids have to stay home for a snow day? Nope–a freak heat wave coming right up. Some jackass being rude to the wait staff at Cheesecake Factory for no reason? Let’s see how he likes a lightening bolt for dinner.
8.) Wonder Woman. Because–you know what, forget that. I already AM Wonder woman.
Who would you be?
Image courtesy of deviantart.com