Soap for her mouth, please.

School will be starting again in about a month. I can’t even tell you how much I can’t wait for that.

But at the same time, I worry.

I’ve already told you guys about the girls that go to school with The Destroyer. And he’ll be in seventh grade this year, so it’s only gonna get worse. I’ve come to terms with that.

What I’m having a time with is Wondergirl. She’ll be in fifth grade this year, and these girls are getting too grown too soon. Actual conversation from last year:

“Mom, I didn’t know that some girls call their ginas different things.” (Pronounced jy-na, it’s her word for vagina.) I didn’t like where this conversation was going already. I felt like saying, “Well, those girls grow up to be strippers. At places with names like The Lil’ Bo Peek. Is that what you want?” But I try not to shut my kids down immediately. I usually give them about five minutes before shut-down.
“Is that right? How did you find this out?”
“Well, there’s this one girl in my class who calls it her c—t.”
I think I blacked out. I know my heart stopped. I had chest pains, dizziness, and stomachaches. But I forced myself to remain calm.

This is exactly how I felt.  Except I could only scream NOOOOOO! inside my head.
This is exactly how I felt. Except I could only scream NOOOOOO! inside my head.

The thing is I was prepared for coochie. I was prepared for va-jay-jay. I was even prepared for,*gasp* the p-word.
But the c-word? In fourth grade?
So I stammered out a weak, “Really. Well, first, let me tell you that that is not a very nice word for a young girl to use. I’m not even going to repeat it.” True story: I never even heard that word out loud until I was twenty and started working retail. We had the universe’s worst district manager, but even then, I had to clutch my pearls when someone called her that. But when I was nine I. DID. NOT. KNOW. THERE. WAS. SUCH. A. WORD. And I sure as heck didn’t know to apply the word to my vagina.
Then it dawns on me: in what context in the fourth grade did this conversation take place?
So I ask. Wondergirl replies off-handedly, “Oh, she got a hair on hers and showed it to us in the bathroom.”
My knees almost gave out. Is Wondergirl telling me that another girl in her fourth grade class decided to pull her pants down in the bathroom in front of a bunch of other girls while telling them, “Hey look you guys, I have a hair on my c-word”?!?!? Is that what happens in fourth grade?
I still didn’t freak out. But I sure did pour myself a vodka tonic. We were WAY beyond wine at this point. If I had had a Valium…
I told her that when she pays bills in her own house, she can call her vagina whatever she wants. Until then, certain words were off limits.
It has never come up again.
Can you see why I’m a bit worried? What’s next? Whew, I need a vodka tonic just thinking about it. Please you guys, tell me that that was the worst and it get better. Even if you don’t mean it, just tell me that. Otherwise, I’m going to need some kind of prescription.

5 thoughts on “Soap for her mouth, please.

  1. I have 3 girls…ages 12, 15, and 19. And because you asked, I’ll tell you that was the worst of it and it will get better. Off the record however, I highly recommend investing in plenty of alcohol with multiple levels of potency. It is how I’m surviving the teen years. Cheers! 🙂

  2. Agreed, I have 2 girls – 20 and 18 – and they went to public school. Nuff said. They’ve seen people tazed, pepper sprayed and taken into custody in class because THEY HAVE A GUN…in class next to my daughter! Sometimes whiskey is all you can do…but no, it’s going to be fine. This is the worst of it. Thank God for blogging to get it all out.

    1. GIRL! I don’t even know what to say!!! I can’t believe you made through all of that. Thanks for the reassurance, though. I’m telling you, I want to just sit next to her in class until she graduates.

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