I was having a discussion with Birdie a while back about things that are an “absolute good”–meaning that there is no down side, or that they are good enough that the down side is negligible. Of course, the first thing that comes to everyone’s mind is bacon. Here’s a few more:
1) Breakfast. Because it is the meal most associated with bacon, I have to say that breakfast in and of itself is an absolute good. You can pretty much have whatever you want for breakfast, and at anytime of day. I have heard people say they don’t eat breakfast, meaning they don’t eat a meal in the morning, but I have never heard anyone say they don’t eat breakfast food. That’s because everyone on earth has a breakfast food they enjoy. Eggs–they can be cooked any way you want them. Cereal–uhh, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, anyone? Pancakes–all yum, all the time. Croissants? Flaky, buttery horn-shaped heaven. I dare you to say there’s not at least one breakfast food that you like. I dare you.
2.) Sleeping. It’s fun, it’s free and it passes the time. You even have entertainment while you do it–they’re called dreams. You can pretty much sleep anywhere that you’re not operating machinery or driving (although that self driving car definitely has some possibilities). Also, when you’re sleeping and someone wants to bother you, a lot of the time they’ll whisper an apology and back out of the room. Unless their name is Kid Sensation.
3.) Batman. I have never heard of anyone who doesn’t like Batman. I’m not talking Batman movies, mean the Batman. He doesn’t have any superpowers, he could just be some rich cornhole who just goes around spending astronomical amounts of his money like some jerk named Richard Branson. But no, he fights crime and despite all his money continues live in crime-infested Gotham instead of moving to the Gotham suburbs. If you don’t like Batman, I’m not sure I want to know you because you’re obviously some type of hardened criminal who specializes in swindling old people.
4.) Denzel Washington. See also: Leonardo Dicaprio.
5.) The Empire Strikes Back. If you don’t love this movie you parents failed you somewhere. I’m looking at you, Big Man.
6.) T-Shirts. They’re comfy, they come in colors, they stretch (handy if you’re boobs have their own area code, like mine do), you can dress them up, and when the sad, sad day that is the end of a t-shirt’s wearable life comes, it becomes an awesome rag. The Big Man’s T-shirts make great curtains. Oh, t-shirt, is there anything you can’t do?
7.) Thriller. Not the video that traumatized me as kid, but the album. I know the entire Beat It dance. I know all the words to every song on that album–and so does everyone I know. Including people under 10 that do not live here.
8.) Prayer. Cause sometimes you have to talk to someone without anyone else around.
So give it up! What’s your absolute good?