Absolute Evil

UPDATE:  This post is in no way political.  Dick Cheney’s evil is based solely on his looks. Because I am that superficial.

Not too long ago, I did a post about things I think are an absolute good.  Like breakfast and such.  Now it’s time to talk about the other side, the side that lives in Wondergirl’s soul.  I’m kidding.  She has no soul.

1.) Clowns.  All of them. The Joker isn’t evil because he’s a psychopath; he’s evil because he’s a clown.

2.)  Heartburn.  Heartburn is evil because it only comes from delicious food.  I have never gotten heartburn from lima beans.

3.)  My house.

4.)  The Internet. The internet is entirely responsible for my failure to accomplish anything, ever.  I would be a somewhat productive human being without the Internet making me waste my time looking at lots and lots of crap that I can’t afford.

5.)  People who hate Dragon Ball Z.  Look, I’m not saying you have to love it like I do.  Being indifferent is okay as well.  But if you can look me in the eye and tell me you hate Dragon Ball Z, I’m pretty sure you also kick babies and slap cake out of people’s hands.  Evil.

6.)  Flesh colored leggings.  Gross.

7.)  My scale.  I don’t even know why I let it live here.

8.) That guy who put a lift kit and 24s on his new Camaro.  He should be killed for committing that hate crime against that poor car.  I’m not even a Chevy girl like that, but you get a Camaro because it’s fast and it’s supposed to be low to the ground and why oh why would he do that?  Because he’s evil, that’s why.

9.) Jerry Jones.  He has to be evil; he’s obviously been dead for like, three years.   See also:  Dick Cheney.

10.)  Dick Cheney.  He needed to be on here twice, because he’s too evil for just a side note.  The man is terrifying and I’m pretty sure he’s the Boogeyman.

I'm not sure what facial expression this is, but I'm sure whoever he's looking at is now a pile of bones somewhere.
I’m not sure what facial expression this is, but I’m sure whoever he’s looking at is now a pile of bones somewhere. He ate them, is what I’m saying.

11.) Popeye’s Chicken.  Everything up in that joint is terrible for you and they know it.  So they make it smell extra good (try driving by Popeye’s with your window rolled down) and taste extra good so that so you don’t even notice your thighs and heart getting bigger while you’re still eating.  See also:  Krispy Kreme.

12.)  People who drink decaf.  They’re obviously trying to throw my addiction in my face and that’s a pretty evil thing to do.

13.)  Money.  For never being in my bank account.

Let’s start this Monday off right.  What’s your absolute evil?

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