I decided to spend a little time with Wondergirl the other day, mano y mano. It’s football season, so most of our time is spent either at The Destroyer’s games, to and from his practices, or watching football on TV. I figured one of us should pay her at least a little bit of attention, that way her therapist can’t blame us.
So we watched Frozen for the billionth time together. But this time, instead of faking like I was watching the movie while screaming on the inside, I listened to Wondergirl’s running commentary during the flick.
“Why are her parents telling her not to feel anything? They’re not good parents.” Well, the king’s idea of medical attention was a visit to some trolls, so there’s that.
“So after they’ve messed her up, then they up and die.” I thought the exact same thing. But they seems to be Disney’s way out with bad parenting a lot of the time. Cinderella’s dad croaked and left her with this terrible woman he obviously married for money. But I digress.
“So why did he (Hans) come to the coronation? If he’s got that many brothers, he can’t be very important.” I know, right? Elsa should have been insulted.
“If someone was dancing like that at my party, I would make them leave.” I wouldn’t. That old man was getting down, and I would have made sure he had plenty to drink purely for entertainment value. Then when he started getting belligerent (I don’t know, but the Duke of Weselton seems like he’d be a mean drunk) I’d kick him out.
“Why would she announce that she wanted to get married at her sister’s party? If my sister did that to me, I’d kick her out.” Wondergirl sure is kicking a lot of people out of a party that isn’t even real. Oh, and announcing her engagement at someone else’s party is exactly the kind of crap Wondergirl would pull.
Of course, she had to stand up and sing “Let it go.” She’s still only ten.
“Kristoff looks like he stinks.” Yeah, he kinda does.
“If she didn’t remember Elsa’s powers, how did she remember Olaf?” I don’t know. But I know one thing, remembering him from childhood wouldn’t have made him less of a freak show.
“So, um does Elsa have a kitchen and a bathroom in there?” You know, Wondergirl, you’re kind of ruining the movie.
“She’s a wreck.” Wondergirl is right on with this one. Elsa is clearly an emotional wreck.
“Why didn’t she tell them to shut up singing and wasting everyone’s time. I would have.” She’s talking about the trolls. We know you would have, Wondergirl. But on the other hand, she has a point. If I were Ana, I would have been like, “Yeah, fixer-upper, true love, that’s great and all BUT I’M LITERALLY FREEZING TO DEATH OVER HERE.”
“I would have taken my last bit of strength and strangled him to death.” I almost pointed out that then she would have surely died too, but we have already established that Wondergirl is fine with dying as long as someone goes with her.
That was pretty much it. I think I need to revisit some of the other Disney movies with her–her take on the Little Mermaid is something I am pretty sure I need in my life.