New? Yup. Improved? Definitely.

Football season is halfway over, so I have been spending a lot of time in front of the TV. Which means I sit through a lot of commercials. Being the bored genius that I am, I have come up with new ad campaigns for various companies. Wanna hear them? Of course you do.

McDonalds: No, really, we’re not trying to kill you. See? Natural ingredients and such—like our fries are all made of votatoes and our burgers are 100% meef.

Burger King: We ARE trying to kill you. Triple Whopper, anyone?

Carl’s Junior: We’re trying to kill you even harder. Which is why we don’t let any of the models actually swallow the food.

Taco Bell: We’re just making up stuff at this point, and you’re eating here so you obviously don’t care.

Jack-in-the-Box: Fast food for Stoners.

Audi: Just kidding! You can’t afford this car!

Target: We can jazz it up all we want, it’s still Target. (BTW, I love Target. I really do.)

Toyota: Come be smug with us!

Viagra: Feel uncomfortable yet?

Arby’s: Please eat here! Please?

CVS: We’re so health conscious, we don’t sell cigarettes. But you can totally buy Twinkies.

Verizon: Now with more ways to avoid human to human interaction!

Budweiser: Have some of these. Now everyone’s attractive!

Now everyone looks like this!
Now everyone looks like this!

Kia: We’re going to run this hamster thing into the ground.

NFL “No More” Campaign: How about some too little, too late?

Ford Trucks: We think you’re an idiot, now buy this truck.

Panera: You could make a sandwich at home… or you can pay fifteen bucks for one of ours.

That was just during the first half of one game. What did I miss?

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One thought on “New? Yup. Improved? Definitely.

  1. My favorite is Taco bell because I just drove by their window yesterday and I was like- What the h are you putting in a taco these days. Just cause you can wrap it, doesn’t mean you should! Too funny.

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