Football season is halfway over, so I have been spending a lot of time in front of the TV. Which means I sit through a lot of commercials. Being the bored genius that I am, I have come up with new ad campaigns for various companies. Wanna hear them? Of course you do.
McDonalds: No, really, we’re not trying to kill you. See? Natural ingredients and such—like our fries are all made of votatoes and our burgers are 100% meef.
Burger King: We ARE trying to kill you. Triple Whopper, anyone?
Carl’s Junior: We’re trying to kill you even harder. Which is why we don’t let any of the models actually swallow the food.
Taco Bell: We’re just making up stuff at this point, and you’re eating here so you obviously don’t care.
Jack-in-the-Box: Fast food for Stoners.
Audi: Just kidding! You can’t afford this car!
Target: We can jazz it up all we want, it’s still Target. (BTW, I love Target. I really do.)
Toyota: Come be smug with us!
Viagra: Feel uncomfortable yet?
Arby’s: Please eat here! Please?
CVS: We’re so health conscious, we don’t sell cigarettes. But you can totally buy Twinkies.
Verizon: Now with more ways to avoid human to human interaction!
Budweiser: Have some of these. Now everyone’s attractive!
Kia: We’re going to run this hamster thing into the ground.
NFL “No More” Campaign: How about some too little, too late?
Ford Trucks: We think you’re an idiot, now buy this truck.
Panera: You could make a sandwich at home… or you can pay fifteen bucks for one of ours.
That was just during the first half of one game. What did I miss?