There she goes again.

I know, I know, another Wondergirl post.  But you have to admit, she’s pretty entertaining.  I’ll even throw in some bonus Kid Sensation and The Destroyer.

Actual conversation on their way to school:

Big Man:  Wondergirl, are you supposed to be chewing gum?

WG: (Smack, Smack) Nope.

Big Man:  Aren’t you going to get in trouble?

WG:   Probably. (Smack). It doesn’t matter, Principal Conners is soft.

Soft?!?!? SOFT?!?  How are you ten and calling someone soft like you’re The Rock?  Like, I’m fully expecting her to continue that statement with, “You wanna cross the Wondergirl? Well, the Wondergirl says this…”

The week she was on steroids and became a ten-year-old rage monster (I told you guys it was going to be great):

Kid Sensation was flying his paper airplane in her vicinity.  Yeah, I know.  I’m not sure how he thought it wasn’t going to end badly, or if he was willing to risk it unaware of just how badly it was going to end.  This is how–and you guys, just, you guys.  Wondergirl, who was curled up in the recliner trying to suck her thumb despite her swollen face, was trying to watch TV.  Besides the steroids, she was also going through thumb withdrawal.  No bueno.  So then Kid Sensation comes through with this airplane. Wondergirl is tracking the plane with her eyes.  It passes in front of her face twice.  Somehow the barometric pressure in the room drops, so I know it’s about to go down.  Third time–and I swear on my Batman T-Shirt–her feet shoot from underneath her and she grabs the airplane out of the air with one hand simultaneously.  She crushes  poor Kid Sensation’s airplane while staring him down, then balls the airplane up and slams it into the garbage.  Then she went back to the chair, curled back up, and continued her attempt to suck her thumb.  It happened so fast, if the Big Man hadn’t asked me if I had just seen what he did, I would have thought I imagined it.

You guys, I'm pretty sure this is what happened.
You guys, I’m pretty sure this is what happened.

She blew  up at The Destroyer so hard you guys he just put his hands up and walked away.  He was trying to tell her that dinner was ready.

Wondergirl was in her room ranting for no reason.  Well, maybe there was a reason, but I was scared so I didn’t go in. Or even knock. There might be a body in there, but all I smell is Bath and Body Works Sweet Pea lotion so I think I’ll leave it alone for now.

Oh, and Kid Sensation tried to get himself killed.  The other day he threw himself face down on the couch, then lifts his head, coughs, and says, “Oh, I think it’s Dad’s bottom.”  He then lowered himself down to floor and immediately put his own head down.  He already knew.

Oh, oh, and I have to take timeout to be that parent who brags about something her kid did like other people really care and aren’t just politely nodding and thinking about how to escape.

So the Destroyer runs track, and he ain’t half bad.  He runs the 400 and the 4 x 100, and he throws discus.  So last week, he’s running the third leg of the 4 x 100 and his teammate steps on his shoe during the handoff.  The Destroyer trips, falls, and his shoe comes off.  He rolls over, pops up, and finishes his leg and handoff. WITH. ONE. SHOE.  I thought that was kinda cool.

Anyway, how have you guys been?


Kiddie Oscars.

So I went to Kid Sensation’s awards ceremony today.  Normally, I don’t like awards ceremonies because I feel like they’re “Oh, my kid is so great” porn.  Maybe I’m hating. Which, as you know, is what I do.

But not today.

Today I’m going to be wicked sappy and sentimental and talk about how beautiful it was.  Because it was.  First of all, it was a UN of kids that won awards.  Not joking.  I mean, Black, White, Mexican, Guatamalan (not Mexican), Tongan (not Samoan), Samoan (not Hawaiian), Indian (from India you guys, I’m not completely ignorant), and Russian.  It was AMAZING.  They were all cheering each other on and yelling each other’s name when they got announced—amazing.

Then came my baby’s turn.  I can’t even.  So, I’ve told you all, Kid Sensation is developmentally disabled.  We have been through it and back.  I’ll just tell it.  And, just so you know, I am definitely crying  as I write this right now, so feel sorry for me.

At the beginning of this year, Kid Sensation was getting 1 out of 26 math problems correct in a one minute timed test. As of today, he is getting 21 of 26 problems correct.  It’s a big deal.  Even other parents were like, “Wow!”

And then.  Then.  Kid Sensation, being Kid Sensation, yells in front of everyone, “Hey, Mom, are you proud of me?”  Chile, everyone lost it.  Everyone.  Including GracieLynn’s redneck daddy (this is based on his scraggly beard, his meager cowboy hat, and oh, yeah, his “White Pride” windshield decal).  He was clearing his throat and wiping tears like crazy.

How Kid Sensation see himself.  I do too.
How Kid Sensation see himself. I do too.

So this awards assembly was worth it.

But don’t expect me to be at the everyone-gets-one-for-participation awards assembly.  They take too gosh-darn long.